So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
