I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
