epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...