Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
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i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
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The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Let's get the cat blown out
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE