Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals