you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Barsexuality is the new black.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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