Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
