So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
