I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
