Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
