...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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