I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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