Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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