dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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