Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
