I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
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