I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
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Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
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How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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