dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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