if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
That's intense
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
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the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
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there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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