I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Operation Purity has been aborted
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
