Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
