This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize