It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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