Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
