i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
