he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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