I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
its liver damage thursday
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
