I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
No subtext here. People are naked.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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