If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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