guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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