Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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