I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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