ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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