Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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