I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
