I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
