Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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