Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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