My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
