You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
