I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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