For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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