We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
