By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
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She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
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My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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