Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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