In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
