you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
