Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
