I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
