is your mom at the bar?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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