Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize
