My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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