we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
nutella sex= disaster
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
