I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
