There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
