If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
