it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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