Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
