Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
